I'm In No Hurry

I feel my legs running.
But now I don't flee, I'm just free.
I hear my voice shouting.
But not out of fear, just so you can hear
my new song and see my new dance.
It is the song of a child:
laughter, joy, and peace.
It is the dance of a girl:
twirling, running, and release.
Somewhere in the ocean
or along the waves of the sea;
This is where you can find my new motion,
Where you can see me finally just be ME.

Meetings with my Savior

"Let Go"

I’ve been down roads no one should have to go.
I’ve made in others tears like a river flow.
Great has been my shame
And only I have been to blame.

Recognize.
Realize.
Apologize.
Then
Exercise the power of letting go.

I’ve learned which paths lead to tears.
I’ve built bridges over those rives to mend the years.
Birthed out of shame has been humility,
And a reason to yearn for accountability.

With every darkness comes a new light.
With every loss comes a new reason to continue the fight.
When in myself the depths of my depravity I see,
Only then can I begin to be set free.

Restoration

"Coming Home"

There was a soft glow coming from under the shallow crack between the end of the big oak door and the beginning of the blue tile floor. It had been a while since she ventured to the other side of that door. Not much remained to entice her, with the exception of a few tired pictures and one or two old pairs of shoes, still left next to the dresser by the closet. She just never felt the urge to open that door anymore. I suppose it would be better said that she was too ashamed to open that door again. Not after where she had been…
And now here she was, in a long-suppressed place thinking back on all the twists and turns she had taken in her path. But the door that stood before her like the ominous presence of an angry lover assured her that she hadn’t imagined it all. Taking one wary step forward, then another, and finally another until she stood squarely in the face of this solid oak division, she placed a firm hand on the doorknob and turned it cautiously. The creaking noise sent a violent chill down her spine; she released the knob immediately. It wasn’t the right time; she needed to do so much before she would be prepared to enter the room. And for what reason was she interested in forging back into that room anyway? Was it not simply a dark, cold room filled with musty air and the muffled cries of a shrieking heart? Somewhere within her, the light was speaking to her and whispering that things could be different. Dark rooms could become light and cold rooms become warm. But not on their own. So, who then, she wondered, was working in the other room?
After a few days the light seemed only to be growing stronger. Without hesitation she opened the door and confidently walked into the transformed room that still stood as an irrefutable symbol of moments past. She took in the scene around her, dizzy with both joy and pain. Everything seemed restored and refurbished; even the windows were clear and clean. But there was one element that caught her eye more than any of the others. There, in the middle of the room seemingly staring her in the face, was the stake in her heart. It looked more beautiful than she had ever remembered, with blue and gold sheets replacing the old ones. Light tears streamed down her face as she dropped humbly to her knees. In the weakness of her awe all she managed to mutter was “restore me”.

Poema en español

Last weekend my friends and I went to Granada. On the bus ride home I was reading a book for my lit class and was daydreaming about the characters in the story and their grand declarations of love to their "queridos" (loved ones). Then I was thinking about a kind of really profound love that I still have yet to experience. I decided to try to write a poem in Spanish trying to capture what I think that feeling would be like. I guess it´s the hopeless romantic in me :) Soooo here is the outcome of that thought.

"Un amor prfundo"

Estoy aquí,
muriendo sin tí.
No puedo negar más
que ahora sé cuanto me amas.
Y no puedo respirar,
como si mi corazón va a parar.
Eres lo único para mí
y quiero ser tuyo hasta el fin.
En el mundo, no hay suficiente años
para terminar el amor entre nosotros.
Te amo,
te amaré,
y nunca se acabo.

For those of you who do not speak this lovely language, here is a rough translation:

"A profound love"

I am here
dying without you.
I can´t deny anymore
that now I know how much you love me.
And I can´t breathe,
as if my heart is going to stop.
You are the only one for me
and I want to be yours until the end.
In the whole world there are not enough years
to end the love between us.
I love you,
I will love you,
and it will never end.

I couldn´t maintain the rhyme when I translated it, but that´s the rough idea :)

Bendita la luz

I was thinking today as I was cleaning my room in SPAIN (ahhhh!!) about the transformative powers of our Creator. The sun was shining through my open window illuminating the whole room and it made me think about the way that God, if we allow Him, at times illuminates our minds and souls. It can be similarly refreshing and comforting as when a cool breeze flows through the curtains and dances along with the rays of the sun.

“Renewal”
She is new; never been like this before.
There is a calm she can’t help but adore.
Strong, independent, daring;
Purposely she shows that she is caring.

She is out of the box; no one can put her back again.
There is color in her world that she has decided to let reign.
Laughter, smiles, gentle words;
These are the rulers of her world.

She has found her place; so long had she been searching.
There is comfort and tranquility in this place He is working.
Precious, beautiful, sacred;
Effortlessly these are the thoughts that fill her head.

Many the Miles

Tomorrow is my last final for the fall semester. That is exciting, right?! Well yes, and no. That also means that the next finals I take will be in Spain (and yes, I will blog from Spain). God and I have been having an interesting time lately. He has been pushing me toward ideas that I never would have ever given second thought to. The latest one of these, and one that I tossed at my Mom today was the thought that God may want me to live in a foreign country for some time- and maybe more than the next semester. Ever since I was little I have had this insane passion for Spanish language and culture. My parents jokingly called me the "South American Queen" when I memorized all of the countries and capitals in South America as a 7 year old. So, this passion is well-entrenched. I was listening to a song by Sara Bareilles today (I do my best thinking listening to music) and I felt engulfed in the words. She is not a Christian singer, but check out these lyrics to her song "Many the Miles"--she sings:

"Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood
Wishing that blue would just carry me away
I've been talking to God
don't knowIf it's helping or not
But surely something has got to got to got to give
Cause i can't keep waiting to live.
How far do I have to go to get to you?
Many the miles. Send me the miles
and I'll be happy to follow you love"

This really challenged me to accept whatever plans that He has for me because I should know that whatever He has in store for me is greater than anything I could ever imagine. If this means leaving my family and loved ones behind to pursue a calling in a foreign land (how very Biblical, no?) then I should trust and obey and be "happy to follow You Love".
It's awesome how God can use a totally unrelated thing to get my attention.
I love his lack of subtelty sometimes :)

The Vacuum God

Today I was vacuuming my [teeny] dorm room and I was thinking about our Christian lives in relation to a vacuum. (the cleaning kind, not the black hole kind). The vacuum that we have in our room is so small it's more like a mechanized dust pan. It barely does the job, and I find myself picking up leaves well after I am done cleaning, or going over the same spot multiple times, only to find the same cluster of dirt in that spot ten minutes later.
It seems to me that even those Christians who are doing their very best to do what God asks of them, and esentially "clean up" the mess that is their human life, we consistenly have to go back to pick up that same leaf that never wants to leave (no pun intended ;)) In this dorm room that represents my whole world, God is my industrial-strength vacuum. What I spend my entire life toiling over to change, He takes one run over it with His vacuum and it is gone. It made me stop and think how foolish I am for thinking that by my own will or desire I can change things within myself that, if I am totally honest, will never change if I don't turn them TOTALLY over to God and allow His grace to change me and shape me.
How much simpler cleaning my life would be if I just let God do it for me :).