Ok, so I know it has been a long time since I have updated this. I keep telling people I'm "too busy"...in all actuality I am (extremely ironically) embodying a kindrid spirit from some book of the Bible in my efforts to hide from God. That, I may add, is a task that I'm not sure even James Bond could accomplish. Here's the deal my friends...I am at a total loss for what exactly I believe leading consequently to a rather poignant confusion as to esentially who I am, which kind of hinders the writing process. As you can see then, I have no deep or relatively unsolvable issues on my mind. I am currently a senior at Eastern University and until very recently was wholly unaware of exactly how little I know. Apparently I am graduating knowing way less than I did entering college. As a personal form of punishment, I voluntarily took a class called "Theology of Culture". This may sound like fun and games to the untrained eye, but I assure you that debating life and God with a bunch of b**s**ing youth ministry majors is about as enjoyable as having bamboo shoved under your nicely manicured fingernails. So picture this...it's the first day of class and we (we being 15 triple- major-biblical studies-youth ministry-theology boys and me, a Spanish major clad head to toe in pink) go around the room to say why we are taking the class. The other 15 answers sound something like "I am looking to expand my faith with the knowledge of our heavenly trinitarian God in a way that without this class I would have no possible way of obtaining, I have come to the conclusion that Eastern Orthodox is the supreme denomination, and I am yearning for someone with the vast knowledge that you, Professor Awesome, have to teach me about being a (I would use another word here) Christian". BLEH! Can we at least get some variety here, boys? Then there's me. My answer went something like "After almost 4 years at this school I'm tired of hearing the same trite b**s** in every class and I want some real answers. Oh, did I mention I am going through a crisis of faith and want all of you to stop lying and padding the answers and get me to actually believe in God with facts?". I'm pretty sure they were expecting my head to spin around after that. You could see them picking the stones up out of their bags to begin the process that, biblically, my reaction waranted. Welcome to day one of Theo337. Join us every Tuesday and Thursday for our new program "Who Gets to Stone the Heretic". No, just kidding...about that last part.
So there it is, all out and open. I am totally lost in my faith right now, which somehow, in some inexplicable way, leads me to also be entirely stranded in my writing. Nothing seems to fit what exactly I am feeling.
Next time though, things will be much lighter. I mean, anything has to be up from being the campus "atheist", right?
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I loved this post! I wish I could be there with you in your class - I would love to take down some theology boys! I would probably get so angry that I'd cry, so, maybe it's best that I'm a stay-at-home mom.
I'm sick of pat answers too.
Please keep writing. It's highly entertaining (your description of your class) and I can so relate with you on those other issues. Maybe for different reasons, but I can still relate. And your writing is so refreshing! I love your honesty.
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